Are You Being Gaslighted?

 



Google searches for the term "gaslighting" has gone up exponentially
Image Credit Wikipedia

   

Understanding the difference between gaslighting and just disagreeing is important because gaslighting can make you doubt yourself and feel upset, while disagreeing respectfully helps people talk openly and listen to each other. 

Knowing the difference protects you from being manipulated and helps make conversations more helpful and kind. When you understand this, you can have better relationships and handle disagreements without losing trust in yourself.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is when someone tries to make you doubt your own thoughts, feelings, or memories. They might tell you that something didn’t happen when you know it did, or make you feel like you're overreacting when you're upset. The goal of gaslighting is to confuse you and make you question your own reality, which can hurt your confidence and make you feel unsure of yourself.


Image credit Giphy


Disagreeing is when two people have different opinions or ideas about something. You don't always have to agree with each other, and that's okay as long as both people respect each other's views. Disagreeing is normal and can help you understand different perspectives.


Have you ever been told you're crazy for thinking something is one way, only to realize later it wasn’t? Spoiler alert: You're probably not crazy… you’re just being gaslit

So are the people in your life gaslighting you or simply disagreeing?

Be careful though, gaslighting and disagreeing are really quite different.

 Where the heck did the term Gaslighting come from?

Image credit Wikipedia

The term comes from a 1938 play and 1944 movie of the same name called Gas Light. Quick plot overview: A husband tries to make his wife doubt her reality by messing with the lights in their house (back then lights weren’t electrical lights. They were run by gas)


Here are some key signs of gaslighting

  • Trying to control or manipulate someone.

  • Ignoring or making fun of someone’s feelings or reality.

  • Slowly making someone lose trust in themselves.

A simple example might be that a friend convinces you that you promised to bring some rum cake to the Christmas party even though all you promised was that you would show up on time and just bring your appetite.   

The above example may seem simple, but gaslighting can harm. Gaslighting can make you feel confused and unsure of yourself, which can hurt relationships and your mental health.
 

Disagreeing

Simply put, disagreeing means having a different opinion or idea about something.

Disagreements can be okay.  It’s normal to disagree with people sometimes, whether it's with friends, family, or classmates. Disagreeing can help you understand each other better and learn new things.

Key parts of healthy disagreement:

    • Respecting other people’s views.

    • Talking clearly and listening to each other.

    • Being open to changing your mind if needed.

Example of healthy disagreement: Think of a disagreement like arguing whether pineapple belongs on pizza. It can get heated, but in the end, we can agree to disagree and still share a slice. It’s just that mine will taste better since pineapple is on it 🙂


Image Credit Wikipedia

Accepting people disagreeing with you is a life skill.  It’s important not to assume that someone who disagrees with you is trying to be mean or hurtful.
 

Key Differences Between Gaslighting and Disagreeing

  • Intent: Gaslighting is done on purpose to control or confuse, while disagreeing is just having a different opinion.

  • Impact: Gaslighting can make you feel unsure of yourself, but disagreeing usually leads to better understanding.

  • Behavior patterns: Gaslighting happens over and over, while disagreement is usually just one conversation.

  • Emotions vs. Logic: Gaslighting uses feelings to confuse or control, while disagreement is about sharing different opinions based on reason.

 

How to Spot Gaslighting in Conversations

Signs of gaslighting:

    • Being told you’re wrong about things you know are true.

    • Someone denying things that happened before.

    • Making you question your own thoughts or feelings.


What to do if you think you’re being gaslit Set clear boundaries and don’t let people make you feel crazy.

It really is that straightforward.

Here are phrases you can use when you feel someone is gaslighting you

  1. "I remember it differently, and I trust my own memory."

  2. "That’s not what happened, and I’m not going to let you make me question it."

  3. "It feels like you’re trying to make me doubt myself, and that’s not okay."

  4. "I know what I saw and felt, and I’m not going to pretend it didn’t happen."

  5. "I don’t agree with what you’re saying, and I’m sticking with my version."

  6. "I’ve told you how I feel, and I don’t like when you ignore it."

  7. "I know what’s real for me, and I won’t let you mess with that."

  8. "If we can’t talk honestly, I need to walk away from this."

These phrases should help you stand your ground in a simple, clear way.



How to Handle Disagreements in a Healthy Way

    Tips for healthy disagreements:

    • Listen carefully and respect the other person’s opinion.

    • Don’t ignore their feelings, even if you don’t agree.

    • Focus on the issue, not on attacking each other.

    • Know when it’s okay to agree to disagree.

Emotional intelligence matters: Understanding how others feel during a disagreement can make things easier.

Try to  talk clearly: Make sure to explain your thoughts in a way that is easy for others to understand.
 

Bottom Line

Gaslighting and disagreeing are very different. Gaslighting is harmful, but disagreement is a normal part of communication. 

  • Healthy communication is important to avoid misunderstandings and to build stronger relationships.

  • If you think you’re being gaslit, it’s important to talk to someone you trust and get help.

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